Hi there! It’s me! I know what you are thinking… “It’s about time she posted something.” Correct, you are. So, the good news is, this is a new blog post! Yay! The bad news is, it is a blog post to say goodbye. But don’t despair. This is not a tragic event or a permanent end to my tale. Think of it as a relocation, of sorts. More on that later.

Blogging has always been a pipedream of mine. I love to write. As I have mentioned, I express myself best in writing. But, as much as the idea of blogging intrigued me, I always seemed to put the idea aside because, to be honest, it’s hard. Putting yourself “out there” is a difficult decision, and committing to writing continuously is a big undertaking, especially when there are other things to focus on. But the biggest obstacle was settling on a subject. I never could decide what to focus on. So, when a subject presented itself, I decided to roll with it. Most would think my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis would be the trigger, but alas, it was not, although it did become a primary focus of the majority of my posts. The pièce de résistance, the thing that ultimately pushed me to be vocal, was something I had been part of for more than 20 years. It was something I loved and enjoyed for so long but had changed from something wonderful into something awful. My employer.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand business. I know for growth to happen, things have to change. It’s the way it is, with just about everything. Am I a fan of change? Good Lord, no. Who is? But I know it must be embraced for companies to grow and be profitable. So, I may not like it, but I get it. With that being said, let me be clear. It wasn’t the change in management that was the problem, it was the people that became the management that was the problem. And those changes coincided with my diagnosis, which turned out to be a win-win for them. But this is nothing new if you have been following my blog so I won’t dwell on it.

Flash forward to the fall of 2022. I was trapped in the worst possible way – I was a prisoner in my own body, fighting symptoms that would come and go at any given time, while also trying to recover from the flare that led to my diagnosis. I was fighting pain, weakness, loss of appetite, insomnia, depression, and anxiety. It was, by far, the worst thing I have ever been through, and the crazy part is, so much of it I don’t remember (which I realize now is probably a good thing.) There are days and weeks that I don’t recall because I was so lost. As if going through all of that wasn’t enough, it was made worse by the treatment I was receiving at the hands of people I thought would have been supporting me professionally. They contributed to the decline in my mental health as well as my physical health, and it was intentional. I think that was the hardest part. I was dumbfounded. I was hurt. I was angry. I was pissed. Insanely pissed. The treatment I was receiving was unbelievable. It was wrong. It was immoral. In some cases, it was borderline illegal. They tried to discredit me. I fought back. They intimidated me. I fought back. They bullied me. I fought back. They threatened me. I fought back. The more I fought, the harder they came at me, sometimes with things so ludicrous it seemed like a bad joke. I finally hired a lawyer. I was exhausted, and the stress and worry over what was happening worsened my condition. I was forced to make a decision – my pride or my health? In the end, I gave them exactly what they wanted. My resignation. Should I have fought harder? Some people think so. But I don’t think I would have survived fighting any longer than I did.

So, that’s what I did.

Writing gave me something to look forward to. It gave me a way to heal from the trauma of the diagnosis, the pain of my symptoms, and the mistreatment I endured. Very slowly, I emerged from the fog I had been in. The hole I felt like I was sinking into disappeared, and the water I was drowning in started to subside. I was able to get so much off my chest while at the same time educating so many people about my disease. I would publish a new blog post and the next day I would wake to comments, texts, emails, and missed calls from readers wanting to connect. Some enjoyed the content and just wanted to check-in. Some had friends or family members that were fellow MSers and they couldn’t wait to share my blog with them. Some just wanted to tell me how sorry they were for what I went through. Then, some had their own stories of mistreatment at the hands of the same people. As much as I hated to hear what happened to them, it was validation that the evil I witnessed was real, and it was still going strong. Getting out was the best choice I could have made.

As time went by, I slowly felt waves of relief as the heaviness began to lift. I wrote and posted, took care of myself, focussed on my family, and spent months finding the old Quincy. I saw my neurologist, physical therapist, psychologist, and hair stylist – things a girl needs to return to mental and physical greatness. And it worked. I was stronger because of the pain, funnier because of the trauma, and a little thicker in the waist because I got my appetite back. The events of what happened used to live rent-free in my brain, and finally, they were fading away. I no longer woke each day and fell asleep each night with it on my mind. I began to rely less on prescriptions for sleep and anxiety, and tears were no longer a daily occurrence. It was the most normal I had felt in almost 2 years. And when the time finally came that I no longer felt mad, sad, or angry about it all, I knew what I wanted to do. It was time to say one last thing before I truly let it all go.

For so long I had been writing a letter in my head, wondering if I would put what was in my brain on paper and send it. So, I finally did it, however, I decided it would be far more effective if everyone could see it, rather than the recipient (especially since said person isn’t bright enough to understand most of its content without their trusty sidekick to decipher it. What? I said I was healed, I didn’t say I was nice. Plus, this is a fact, not entirely an insult. IYKYK). So, on December 15, 2023, I posted, “Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal.” I’m not exaggerating when I say I slept soundly that night for the first time in almost a year. I woke up knowing I did the right thing. I felt like it was a good stopping point for my story. An ending. A happy ending. The truth is, I had plenty more I could say. So many stories with details of the mistreatment, memos containing blatant discrimination, conversations that never should have happened, and emails that should never have been sent, but in the end, enough was enough. Writing anything more felt like moving backwards, and I was finally ready to move on. Do I still hope for lightning to strike certain people in the crack of their behinds? Absolutely. But they will get theirs one day. I do believe that. That’s why I don’t worry about it anymore. It’s out of my hands and I am moving on. Onward and upward.

So, back to the relocation. My blog website will go dark soon. I still own the site and could possibly make a comeback, but for now, I’m taking a break. I want to focus on writing in other ways. In the meantime, if you aren’t already following me on Instagram, I hope you will. I plan to shift the focus of my current home decor account to include more on our family and our daily doings, plus our home and garden, and more about my life with MS, since it ain’t going anywhere. Look for me and follow along. I would love to stay in touch! @homeonhillshire

Finally, thank you all for the support, friendship, and prayers while I learned my new normal. I couldn’t have made it through this without each one of you. MS has changed my life forever. There is no cure and no way to know what the future holds, but I plan to fight my way through it and do the best I can. There will be good days and bad days, but at least there will be days, and I’m planning to make the absolute most of every single one I get. I have an incredible family to lean on, fantastic friends to laugh and cry with, and a positive outlook that I am going to remember even on the days that are the hardest.

Thank you again for reading and being part of this with me.

Love to all –

Q